The Candy Crush

I had a crush on a girl who was like the most perfect life partner I could ever have in my life. It was so sweet to think of her all the time with infatuations on our possible future courtship and all the romantic moments that we would have.  The crushing feelings were energetic and reviving that I was unable to sleep or dreamed of her even when I was in slumber.

Only when I think deeply, I find myself falling for her with a lot of selfish intentions. I always observed and perceived to whether she is the right person for me. I evaluated on her strengths and weaknesses and see how can her satisfy me as my girlfriend. The main purpose of starting a relationship was never a bridge towards marriage. It was more like a dream dating game which is often portrayed through Korean dramas and many others around me. I felt so ‘syok’ to chat and spend time with her, thus I kept messaging her without considering would it disturb her.

What should a courtship really be? It struck me to think of the true purpose of a boy-girl relationship. Marriage should be the goal of a courtship as it rounds up the true purpose of it. Thinking of it, it is about commitment. I should think of whether I can commit before approaching the girl that I like. Can I really love her with all my heart? Am I a suitable guy for her? Will I build her up or bring her down?

It is painful to think of how unstable I am now without a well-established faith and income. When I cannot even take good care of myself surely, how am I going to take care of her? I cry knowing that I have to let her go at the present time for her best. She needs not a boyfriend now, but friends who can encourage her in life, studies and faith. Thus, although it is heart-breaking, I have to stop the clock and crush the candy of romance and take up the candy of a friend.

Crushing my heart temporarily is better than crushing her heart for a long term. Love makes me learn to wait patiently and care more for the sweetness of someone’s future. Through this, I learn that it is always sweeter to give out the candy rather than putting them into my own mouth.